Here’s another book for you, dear reader. Smart Women Finish Rich written by David Bach is jam packed with helpful financial advice for women, as well as some sobering facts. I couldn’t believe how much I learned in such a short time, and I credit that to Bach’s reader friendly writing and helpful real-life stories.

Here are some juicy tidbits I learned:

1. Women earn 25% less than men.

2. Women spend 11.5 years off the job v. 16 months for men.

3. Only 5% of Americans can afford to retire at 65.

4. If possible, women should sock away 12% of every pay into a high yielding retirement account.

5. Time is of the essence - start saving sooner rather than later because money compounds over time.

6. Think about what you value and how money may or may not be able to help you achieve those desires.

7. Write yourself a $10 million check, stick it up in your bathroom and look at it every day, believing it’s going to happen.

8. Have a rainy day account which holds at least 6 months of money to survive in case you lose your job, your health or both.

9. Pull your credit reports, which you can do for free once a year, and double check them to make sure all is in order.

10. Get rid of your fear and anxiety about money. Instead, educate yourself as much as possible and treat moola with respect.

11. Best way to get out of debt? Start paying for everything in CASH. Suddenly, shelling out four 20s for a pair of jeans hardly seems worth it.

Whew! These are just some highlights, but the point is that the book was helpful and NOT scary. Check it out!!! It’s entirely worth knowing.

Hello, dear readers. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I last wrote. My only excuse is that Justin was in town and that I was trying to soak up as much time with him as possible, which left little time for blogging. Thanks for being so patient. One last thing before I move on with today’s blog…last Saturday, we went up to Fallingwater, which is the house Frank Lloyd Wright built for the Kaufmann family back in the 1930s. It’s the beautiful house which sits over the waterfall. VERY cool. Anyway, we met my mom there for lunch and the tour and right before she arrived Justin officially proposed! I couldn’t be more tickled or excited about our future together. He’s wonderful in every way.

He left just this past Wednesday, and I’m sorely missing his presence here. I’ll see him again at Christmas, though, so the three weeks apart won’t be so bad.

Okay…on to today’s blog.

I work with mean girls.

Really.

I didn’t think this was possible past high school, but it is, although this is the first time SINCE high school that I’ve really encountered it.

The only difference is that the display of said “meanness” is more subtle now. Greetings in the morning are ignored, as are goodbyes. Questions into how they are feeling or how their weekends or holidays were are met with “polite” one word answers. The worst, I think, is the cold exclusion and judging stares on everything from hairstyle to wardrobe, etc…

Worst off is that I hear these women’s comments about other people! Unkind, at best! It makes the work environment less than ideal, especially when these women, who are very good at their jobs and who also outrank me though they’re years younger, most likely see me as the newbie who needs “hazed”, as one of them put it.

I suppose this bothers me as much as it does because it’s just so juvenile, rude and unneccessary. I have countless Ally McBeal moments throughout each day, in which I fantasize saying things like, “Um, pardon me, let’s try this again. I said, “hello, how are you today?” and that’s your cue to say, “well, fine, thanks for asking.”

Instead, I grumble, take a few deep breaths, and remind myself that these women are actually providing wonderful opportunities for growth and expansion. With them in my life, I can practice patience and compassion more readily each day!

=)

What saddens me, though, is when women treat each other like enemies or freeze each other out of communities and friendships. So, I would challenge all you women out there who read this blog to examine yourself. Are you a mean girl? Is there another woman in your life who is trying to build a friendship with you or who just needs to be recognized in some way? If so, reach out to her, even if it’s just a smile or warm, genuine greeting.

If we don’t start building bridges soon, how will we, as women, ever advance, especially if we build bridges and leave some of our sisters on the other side?

I’ve been thinking lately about the effects stress has on one’s physical and mental wellbeing. In fact, if I’m being entirely honest, I’m *really* thinking about the effect it has on me - body, mind and spirit. Now that I’m in DC, I find that I’m almost in a constant state of stress and agitation. I feel stressed out at work. I feel stressed out when I maneuver DC traffic. I feel stressed out over my lack of interaction with the natural world. So, I find, not surprising, that I’m definitely stressed when I come home, sometimes needing hours to decompress.

Enough.

The amount of stress I face daily here was largely unknown by me until I returned to Montana recently and let it all go! I indulged in healing waters, the sound of silence, delightful conversations with friends, both old and new, saw family and laughed a heck of a lot. I felt lighter, happier, more free. And, this absence of stress made to pause to consider how much I DO carry around here and wonder what can be done to ameliorate the situation.

If I look at how I’ve been living lately, I think the very things I do to try to heal the stress in my life might just be adding to it. For example, in order to save time when I come home from work, I’ve been popping frozen foods into the microwave and calling it “dinner”. I’m *sure* this is not giving me the proper nutrition I need! Also, I’m quite positive that because this food is not living, it has lost much of its raw intelligence and may actually require my body to work harder at processing/absorbing it. Here’s another example, because I’ve been skimping on sleep the last several weeks, I am not in the best shape emotionally to handle the ordinary stress in my life, not to mention the extraordinary. Things always seem worse when one has not gotten enough rest, and I attribute much of my down mood here to lack of sleep and real mental rest.

EEK. Just thinking about it all makes me cranky.

Now comes the fun part. Okay, dear readers, I’ve decided to let you in on my plan to reduce stress in the hopes that you’ll help keep me accountable. I’ve decided that for the next two weeks, I’m going to embark upon a plan to reduce stress and increase my personal health in the following ways:

First off, I’m going to get no less than 7 hours of sleep a night. 8 is preferable, but I’ll take 7. I’m tired of feeling, well, TIRED.

Second, I’m going to eat raw foods and increase the amount of fresh fruit and vegetables I’m intaking. My hope is that I’ll feel more alive, lighter and balanced on Monday, September 17.

Third, exercise, while important, needs to be more than just a 5 mile run. With this in mind, I’m going to make sure I work in meditation, tai chi, yoga and pilates. I find that these activities generally increase my energy and don’t leave me feeling sore and depleted like a hard run does.

Four, cut out all caffeine from my diet, including that found in tea. I typically don’t drink a lot of caffeinated products, but lately I’ve been sipping more coffee than I’m used to, and I really don’t know what it’s doing to my body.

Five, make sure I’m journaling, painting, writing more often. I need to bring in more “play” into my daily life.

Hm. Seems like a good place to stop for now. I’ll definitely keep you posted on how I’m feeling and what I’m learning. In the meantime, feel free to check in to make sure I haven’t sneaked any ginger cookies or coffee!

A few days ago, I came across these words written by Rod MacIver, founder of Heron Dance. Given my love affair with trees and the recent need I have these days to immerse myself in pine, I’ve decided to include Rod’s commentary on old growth forests here.

***

Walking in the woods yesterday, I noticed the trees gradually change. Eventually I came to a place, deep in the forest, where I was surrounded by huge old trees. On the forest floor lay dozens of massive tree trunks in various stages of decay. I sat down for a while between the roots of a massive hemlock.

Those woods brought me back to a conversation I had a couple of weeks ago with Bob Leverett, a lover of big old trees and founder of the Ancient Eastern Forest Conference Series. I found our conversation so interesting that I asked Bob for an interview, parts of which will likely appear in the next issue of Heron Dance. I was particularly interested in Bob’s thoughts on the relationship between the age of a forest, its diversity in terms of numbers of species, and stability. More species, he said, means more stability. Fewer species, more vulnerability—vulnerability to everything from disease to climate change.

A red pine plantation, for instance, is quite vulnerable to a particular fungus (the Armillaria shoestring root rot). A forest, or for that matter a cornfield, consisting of just one species, is unstable. A forest with a lot of older trees, including dead and dying trees, is going to support a lot more birds. The insects eat the trees, the birds eat the insects. As a result, old forests tend to have lots of birds, in both numbers and numbers of species.

The other thing about forests that have been left alone is that they are quiet. Yes, there are birds singing and the wind sometimes roars through the leaves and branches, but there is a special deep peace in those woods. If you walk through them long enough, some of that quiet gets absorbed inside. Sharman Apt Russell calls it transparency:

When Nature whispers beauty, I do not always respond well. Feverishly I want to get inside. I bang at the glass. It is so beautiful. It is too beautiful.

Only rarely do I feel calm, equal to the occasion. Then I am, myself, transparent.

~taken from Heron Dance, A Pause for Beauty, #215

How I long for this peace of which he speaks! May my upcoming trip to Montana help restore this quiet which I am missing these days.

Last night, I went on a hike with someone I barely know but who strikes me as an “anam cara” or “soul friend” in Gaelic. In anticipating this hike, I found myself wondering what wisdoms we may pass to one another and why we crossed paths in the first place. Consider this: we’ve taught in the same department since January and have offices a few doors away from each other but only met a week or so ago. Whatever the case, I suspect that I have something to offer this person and he to me. Time will reveal what those messages are, though. I need only to be patient.

Life is funny sometimes. I’ve been yearning for a friend here with whom I can discuss matters of spirituality for some time. And, just as I may have discovered that person, I am set to move elsewhere. ‘Tis okay. Sometimes people appear in your life for a very specific, albeit, fleeting purpose.

Sigh. Back to the hike.

We tackled the side of Mount Sentinel in Missoula, which is visible anywhere in Missoula and certainly by the air, as the mountain has been neatly incised with a large and unmistakable white M. But, we didn’t hike the trail to the M. Instead, we chose a trail off the beaten path, where our only company was that of wildflowers, some deer and, perhaps, another hiker or two. We set out at dusk when the mountain was quiet and the air was fresh. At one point, we stopped to breathe in honeysuckles and to rub our fingers against supple wild sage.

My spirit was elated and felt refreshed.

After 9pm, we turned our backs to the trail and our faces towards the setting sun. Dipping lower and lower until it brushed against indigo hued mountains, the sun was magnificent. It boldly sank, as if a coloratura soprano drenched in red was sinking to the stage in a gracious bow. It was regal, a tad arrogant and splendid. There was a period of time in which everything was cast in a golden light. I felt as if the sun itself was reaching into my core and charging it with both beauty and vitality. Mountains seemed to blush against the sun’s rays. Everything revealed its beauty and sparkled with some unknown quality.

I have rarely seen anything so exquisite.

We didn’t speak but were still. Somehow it seemed unorthodox to break the sun’s hold or to comment on this reddened and diminishing orb.

Eventually, we both surfaced and the conversation turned to Buddhism and the power of meditation. I have been lax in my meditative practice lately, and I felt this was a gentle nudge to continue dipping into myself and be still, just as the sun dipped and was still.

I keep a Native American prayer by my bed and read it at night before I fall into slumber. One of its points is to become aware of the lessons hidden in nature…to see what is before us.

I have been reminded in a lovely, comfortable way of what I need to do and how to right what’s amiss in my life.

The Shadowlands, then, are not so much about feeling desolated but about feeling consoled by the silence which these times afford us. If we listen carefully and silence our moans and groans of protest, we may be surprised by the wisdom which awaits us.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “Working Girl” which stars Harrison Ford and Melanie Griffith. Also cast in the film is Joan Cusack, who is nicely situated in a supporting role as Tess McGill’s (read: Griffith’s character) rather colorful friend. Her Staten Island accent is worth the rental price alone!

Anyway, Cusack’s character delivers a great line which I often return to as it’s so perfect. She says, “Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn’t make me Madonna. Never will.”

Whenever I watch her give that line I bust out laughing because I do the same thing! Okay, so I *don’t* dance around in my underwear, but I DO crank up my favorite songs and dance around in my bedroom when no one is home.

It’s so freeing. It makes me happy and I always feel charged in the process, as if my body is saying in an exasperated voice, “FINALLY!”

I don’t know about you, but not only does dancing serve as a stress reliever but it allows me to let go and give into my body’s own rhythm for a bit. It’s an art form, a source of expression and a well of creativiy. It snaps me out of a funky mood, beats running on some days, and inspires me.

I think the rest of the country is beginning to feel the same way, too, as the TV reality show “Dancing with the Stars” continually burns up the Nielsen Ratings whenever it’s on. People are starting to take dance lessons again, clubs are thriving and there seems to be a return to the art of dancing with a partner. ‘Tis all very exciting.

My point is that I would encourage you to dance around the next time you hear your favorite song and see how you feel. Does your mood improve? Do you feel happy? Is it hard to stop smiling?

If nothing else, you will have gotten in touch with your inner twinkletoes - never a bad encounter, methinks.

Are you having one of those days?

You know the type. The kind where stress, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration and even panic mount with each phone call, email, or meeting. The stress is creeping up on you at such a rapid pace that you now fear a hostile takeover. One where all these energy-sucking thoughts and feelings threaten to overtake the rational, sane part of you and leave a screaming, fist-pounding lunatic in its place.

Maybe snapping coworkers and friends is not your style of meltdown. Instead of venting your frustrations outwardly, you hold the panic, frustration and dread inside your head and store that negative energy in the tissues of your poor, unsuspecting body.

Either way, you may be suffering from a hostile takeover.

Did the hostile takeover of your calm, cool and collected self happen all at once? Or, did the invasion occur over several hours, days or even months?

A good question, perhaps, but not right now. It won’t help you in the midst of a meltdown, fit of frustration, or state of anger, and panic (or anything else you don’t want to feel). No, you don’t need a question or detailed analysis to solve this problem. You need…

Continue Reading…

Missoula, Montana has some pretty fantastic hip little coffee joints, and I’m often meeting friends at these places to catch up and swap life stories. Lately, though, I’ve been feeling as if I need to take myself out for a cup of joe to find out how I *really* am.

I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve neglected my regular check-ins filled with all those friendly questions of concern: Am I happy? Fulfilled? In Limbo? What’s feeding me? What’s feeding off of me? What needs to change?

Only in patiently and quietly listening to my inner voice can I ever hope to achieve balance and equilibrium.

The trick is simply showing up and carving out the time.

I figure that a good cup of coffee or other toasty beverage can last up to at least 30 minutes or so, which is plenty of time to hold court with one’s self, peer into one’s emotional plane and inquire about the internal weather.

Even if it’s all F5 tornadoes and Category 5 hurricanes at least you braved the terrain for a few moments. My hunch is that by acquiring this self awareness, the external world takes on a different tone, even allowing for the diffusion of such destructive weather systems.

In the end, it’s only the things we’re unaware of which have power over us.

A cup of joe never looked so good.

As my 30th birthday nears, I find myself immersed in deep self-reflection, especially about the future. I’ve spent so much of my twenties planting seeds that it’s been rewarding to finally begin to reap the harvest of my former activities. As they say in agricultural circles, especially out here in Montana, it’s been a good year!

Still, I won’t lie and say that I’m *not* actively thinking about the next phase of my life because I am. I’ve been asking myself what’s worth knowing for much of the past few months. As one of my former professors once said, “You’ve got to ruminate on it…really chew it up and digest the question in order to come to any true conclusions!”

Lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that humor is not only worth knowing, but entirely necessary! I want to get really chummy with it. I want laughter pealing in my soul, and I’m getting there! Spontaneous giggles, stupid jokes and the ability to tell them…random smiles about nothing in particular, laughing at other people’s funny laughs and mannerisms, etc… This is the stuff of life, methinks.

I don’t know about you, but I always feel better when I’m laughing.

So, dear reader, my advice to you is to know laughter! Whether it’s a guffaw, giggle, side splitting belly laugh or snort. Do it. Find it. Cultivate it. Have a ready joke handy, even if it’s crummy! Chances are you’ll at least elicit groans tinged with smiles! Surround yourself with funny folk. Life seems better somehow when you do.

And, at this stage in the game, why not?

I had a bright flash of inspiration this morning (thank you, Michael).

It’s time for all of us to lighten up - including myself!

In fact, most of us would be much better off if we adopted the attitude of Homer Simpson. Not the “loud belching in public” Homer Simpson, but the Homer who says “D’oh!” and then moves on from his mistakes.

If you really think about it, a mistake only becomes a mistake when you hang on to it, rather than saying, “I goofed,” and moving on. Letting out a big “D’oh!” and accepting that a mistake is just something that happens, not something you ARE.

Too often, I find that bright, talented and successful people take their mistakes to heart and wear them around like a scarlet letter. Mistakes they have made in working with clients, communicating with coworkers, not following through on a big opportunity or potential sale.

If you asked them if they learned from their mistakes and moved on, you would get a resounding “yes!” In their minds, they have learned from their mistake, brushed it off, and then moved on. But, somewhere inside, the missteps, mistakes, lost opportunities, and mishaps build up and can become a part of who you are.

How often do we say, “I am sorry,” for something that slipped through the cracks - a phone call we forgot to return, an email we didn’t send to a colleague, an error in estimating a project completion date - when what we really need to say is “I goofed.” Feel the difference?

Certainly, they are times that we DO need to take ownership of our actions and attitudes. But, there’s a difference between taking ownership and taking it to heart.

A few weeks ago, I remarked to my client that it was indeed possible for him to still deliver great value to his client in the same moment that he acknowledged a mistake in his work with them. And, in that moment, “I am sorry” is not always the best response. A simple “D’oh” will often do. Funny, how I gave that same advice to myself this week after missing a deadline.

If a “goof” is something that happens, not something about me as a person, then it certainly makes sense that “I goofed” is far more appropriate in most circumstances than “I am sorry.”

Sure, there are exceptions. If you find yourself saying “D’oh” over and over again for the same mistake, then take a closer look. There’s a bigger problem behind that “goof” that needs your attention. Or, there’s another source to your problem that you need to uncover.

But, for the successful, capable, well-intentioned person, a simple “I goofed” will do just fine.

Just ask Homer. It works for him!

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